Ah, clowns.  In theory, those red-nosed, big shoe wearing, jolly creatures are supposed to make us smile and laugh.  I mean, what kids birthday party is complete with out a fake flower to spray water in your face or those colorful balloons animals that all seem to look like a dog, no matter what you asked for?  They just exist to make us happy and our days a little brighter.

Yeah right.  Sneaky bastards.  Think about it — what do clowns actually do besides scare the bejesus out of little kids, and adults stupid enough to own a doll that looks like one?  Nothing, that’s what.  Which gives them plenty of time to figure out ways to either steal your soul or eat you.  Either way, if the following list of evil clowns isn’t enough to convince you there is something nefarious going on, well, doom on you.

Scary, Agile and Gleefully Trying to Kill You

Poltergeist, 1982.  I know there are a lot of scary clowns out there and some are listed here, but really, that little demonspawn in Poltergeist was enough to turn millions of kids off of clowns for life.  Including this one.  PS – He’s under the bed and has reeaallly long arms!!

Scary and Trying to Eat You Like Cotton Candy!

Killer Klowns from Outer Space, 1988. Seriously folks, what’s worse than being turned into a cotton candy blood shake for some of the creepiest clowns ever? Not much. Don’t let the big hands and goofy grins fool you — they really do want to eat you.

Scary and Also Trying to Eat You, But Straight Up

It, by Stephen King 1990. Pennywise the clown isn’t even a real clown for crying out loud. It’s really a space alien from hell (or thereabouts) who chose on purpose to look like a scary clown in order to eat small children. When murdering monsters from space try to emulate you, it’s proof positive that you’re in league with the devil.

Scary but Not Trying to Eat You, Just Kill You or Something

Amusement, 2008. I don’t know what grown adult thinks a life-size clown doll is perfectly okay to own — much less sleep in the same room with — but either way this clown is bad news. It doesn’t help that it knows how to turn on the TV either.

 Scary and Trying to Kill You, But Mostly Just Annoying

The Hole, 2009. This little f-er clown thinks its cute to try to push you into a hole that leads to hell. He also likes to throw things at you and try to drown you. He is really nothing more than a Poltergeist clown wannabe, but he’s still dangerous. Drop kick his ass into a fan at your earliest opportunity.

And Last but not Least…

Scary, Trying to Eat You and Has No Manners!

Zombieland, 2009. As if clowns weren’t bad enough by themselves, this one just had to be a zombie, too. Not content to just kill you and eat you, it also has the nerve to bug you while you’re in the bathroom! Now that’s just plain rude.

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