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First Things First
I actually loved this movie and will have to watch it several more times to really get it completely. That being said, as I do not normally give spoilers, you need to know this very important fact going in: virtually the entire movie is filmed from a first person shooter perspective. Meaning, if you have ever been to Dave and Busters and played a shooter game or like me, have House of the Dead on Wii AND the gun to go with, you know of what I speak.
In terms of Hardcord Henry, we never actually see Henry, but hell yes he is HARDCORE and even though I have never even seen Henry, I love him still the same. He kicked ass and didn’t bother to take names for very good reasons. Now normally, this kind of movie would have annoyed the hell out of me (NOT a fan of hand held camera movies) but this one hooked me like no other. In the end, it’s really your choice (my husband hated this movie while I was clapping at the end – in our living room I might add) to watch or not to watch. My only opinion is to take a chance on this flick- you just might like it.
More Reviews Are Coming
It’s true and there are several in my head (including one about a dog which really pissed me off and likely you too) that will be here soon. Work doth suck the time away but I promise a new reveiw (or two) will be posted tonight. In the meantime, enjoy the links below. PS: If the use of curse words offend you, this is NOT the site for you. If so, crawl back into your trigger safe space of momma’s basement and/or boobies. I really do not give a damn if your feeewings are hurt by what I write.
Hey fellow horror/sci-fi fans! Sorry it’s been so long but work does tend to take away from my ability to type and rant freely. Nonetheless, I have been keeping up with the books and movies that should melt all of our hearts this year, and no I ain’t talking about any chick flicks!
What brought me out of hiding, was a movie called “It Follows”. If you liked the film, go ahead leave this site and go back to checking out Facebook, as you may have already guessed that I did not enjoy the film. But that’s not really the reason for my rant; it’s the lies told about this film that have me mad as hell.
If you have read any of my previous posts, you know I’m not generally a review reader – rather I watch or read and decide for myself. This time I broke my own rule and paid for it — dearly. It was Saturday night and my husband and I were looking for a movie to watch, I of course was looking for something scary. Upon looking up the “Best Horror Films of 2015” a website which I will not list here had it at number 1. NUMBER 1. I thought “Dang, it must be good!” AND I followed the advice of the ratings on other sites. Hence, my other half and I paid 7 bucks on video on demand, turned down the lights and made popcorn to watch “It Follows”.
My personal stuff aside, about 15 minutes in I started saying out loud “Something needs to happen..” and “It needs to pick up..” Well… it never did and myself and my husband suffered through the WHOLE. DAMN. THING. Mainly because we spent 7 bucks on it but also in the hope that the ending would shed some sort of battery-is-low-but-hopefully-it-will-last-until-we-die kind of way. But no, the movie just cut to credits with no explanation of shit.
Don’t get me wrong, I knew during the entire film that metaphors were flying all over the place; I just didn’t expect either the films producers OR the dumb (and most likely paid for) reviewers to think their viewers were stupid enough to actually enjoy this pile of steaming crap.
So in closing, only watch and God forbid pay for “It Follows” at your own risk. On the upside, I re-watched “Don’t Blink” and it’s still as great as ever.
The Four Star Book Review That Ticked Me Off
Often, when looking for a book on Kindle or the Amazon website, since we are all human (based on a genetic code I sometimes wish I could exorcise), what always pops into focus for yours truly are the star/number reviews given to that body of work. To be clear, if you have ever read any of my reviews, you know I don’t rely on other opinions (or stars, numbers, etc.) prior to writing my reviews. However, those little stars and numbers DO have an impact on most of us in one way or another. This is my true story of being totally pissed off by one of them, so I decided to write The Four Star Book Review That Ticked Me Off.
In case you were wondering what it was that prompted this diatribe, it was the Amazon review star factor of 4 — for a book that I didn’t just love, but have — and here’s the key — remembered for years after I read it. Every avid reader knows that you might slightly enjoy and finish the bad ones (if you’re feeling generous), have a good time with the good ones, but you remember the great ones. The great book I am referring to is “The Descent” by Jeff Long.
Before I get going again, I highly encourage you to read this book. If you enjoy a story that begins a bit benign, then takes you down a dark, creepy pathway and then shoots you in the butt — this book is for you! It’s kind of like a funhouse on horror factor X.
So okay, here’s the little bit I’m gonna give ya. Hell exists, only it’s been below us all this time and we never knew about it until we went down and found out about it. Okay, that’s not the greatest description, but I don’t want to ruin anything for you. Bottom line is that this book makes you think about what Hell really is. And who is down there lurking… and waiting for you.
I know I didn’t give you much to go on — but that’s part of the fun isn’t it?
PS. I admit I read this book years ago, but I wrote this review from memory. Still own it on my Kindle, so I will be re-reading this bad boy soon. Very soon. To me, it’s like a warm and fuzzy sweater in the back of the closet I forgot I had and now must wear again to feel right with the world.
A SPECIAL PSS: To those “readers” who gave this book 1, 2, or 3 stars on Amazon — either you need to have your eyes checked or your ability to recognize a great book when you read it. On a side note, you also suck if when writing a book review you ever picked on: the “character development”, “wasn’t what was expected”, “had too many curse words”, or my favorite to hate “had grammar problems”. You DO realize that someone else created a work of art for you to escape into a fantasy world that THEY created for YOU. I hate to be crass, but FUCK YOU if you expect perfection on their grammar (some of these authors SELF PUBLISH — look it up how much editors cost!) or even worse have the audacity to sit dwn and write a review abut how mnay times thye used the work FUCK. Oh hey, FUCK, FUCK oh and then they really FUCKED! (NOTE: My little rant does not reflect what is in the book “The Descent”, just for the record. It is only this readers complete annoyance at asshats who think that because they are offended while reading something they can put down screwing up an authors review online. Just sayin’)
James Patterson’s “ZOO”
When I saw this book on the shelf in my local grocery store, I thought to myself “Ya’ know, you haven’t paid a lot of attention to “popular” writers lately, so maybe you should get off your high horse and check it out”. Well, that’s not exactly how my thought process went, but it’s pretty close. Ergo, I went home, went on-line and looked the book up.
When I logged in, I discovered that it was an audio book, and that they have become somewhat less expensive these days; I was used to purchasing the CD’s for a fortune. So I said “What the heck!” — it’s James Patterson and a book that seems interesting as the tag line on the inside of the book in the store was: “This time, it’s not zombies.” I admit: on that, they had me.
Now on to the review. In an effort to keep this short, sweet and to the point this book depressed the hell out of me. To be sure, there was a lot of science (none of which I have even attempted to verify) and great story telling. The problem with this book is simply that there was a lot (and I do mean a lot) of MAN HAS DONE SOMETHING TO KILL THE WORLD!!! in it. There are also a few shots taken at Fox News Channel which I found totally perplexing — at one point the narrator/protagonist says about a female Fox News Anchor — “The blond bimbo said…”. I mean REALLY? As a female and a thinker, it takes quite a bit to offend me, but this was just over the top (and I’m a red-head!).
To be fair, if the character in the story had a background that called for such views, I would have accepted them in stride and perhaps even applauded them for building the character and the readers view of him/her. Unfortunately for this book, no such background existed, unless we are to infer that because the protagonist owned a chimpanzee, he loves animals and everyone at Fox (or who watches that channel or might be a blond bimbo) does not. Jeez.
Fox News and blond bimbos aside, the main reason I did not enjoy this book is because of the obvious pulling of heart-strings (which in some books is an excellent idea) and complete and total let down at the end. Don’t get me wrong. I have read, listened to and enjoyed many works that do not have a happy ending. However, this is the first, especially by an Author I really used to enjoy, using such low-down tactics to push his own view-point onto his readers in such a way — and then have the nerve to charge them for it. At least Stephen King, like it or not, was honest and forthright when he wrote and published “Guns”.
UPDATE: By the way, the “hero” of this story left his chimpanzee when he went to go off to do this own thing. This is a poor chimpanzee who loved and depended on his owner (who the chimp looked at as a father/protector) was left in the dirt by our supposed “hero”. Just FYI.
For instance, who knew “Wrong Turn 4” would be so interesting to people?
New Year’s Resolution: Post more reviews and follow more great blogs and writers.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
Hope you rock it out and gross out at least one person describing a book or movie you have enjoyed!
Here’s an excerpt:
A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,200 times in 2013. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog. (Actually, they did the whole thing to be honest.)
This little gem came on a DVD I bought quite a few years ago (2009) and unfortunately can’t find now dagnabbit! However, we are only talking about a couple of years ago, not like, 20 so relax. Nonetheless, I felt the need to share it with you all since A) it takes place in the 80’s and B) is pretty freakin’ awesome and more importantly C) most people have never even heard of it, which saddens me greatly. In fact, I had a hard time finding info on it when Googled. Now that’s a first.
Now I don’t like reading reviews before viewing a flick nor do I generally put much stock in others reviews mainly because I’ve got my own ideas, but I’ve already seen it and this Amazon reviewer nails it (emphasis mine):
Any horror fan will be plenty satisfied by this set. Of all the films 3 are good, 1 is a must own, 1 is okay and 1 is a dud. Of all the films, A Christmas Tale stands out as the most original and well made. The film is like the offspring of Silent Night Deadly Night and The Goonies. If that doesn’t perk your ears up then forget this set. The packaging is a disappointment and the extras are a bit light. However there is a making of for each film. Overall if you are a fan of horror and want to see what the Spanish directors of the genre are up to, this collection is for you.
Now, you probably noticed that this is a Spanish film with English subtitles, so if that’s not for you — cool. Just know that if you have any connection with the 80’s and horror movies you are only doing yourself a disservice by not watching this flick big time. This film will survive without you.
Anyway, once again without giving too much away, there are lots of 80’s references in this film. Toss in some awesome creepy child actors and one deranged-assed Santa you get a perfect recipe of horror goodness. I love Halloween. I love Christmas. To combine them both and do it well, is movie making at its best and is movie watching gold.
If this pic doesn’t do it for ya, well I don’t know what will!
PS — Enjoy the holiday season the right way and watch this flick!!
If you are like me and fell in love with the buddy duo of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost in Shaun of the Dead, when you heard about this flick you wanted to see it. The question was — just what kind of movie was this? The previews pretty much only showed Simon, Nick and a few other guys going on a bar crawl and then encountering something very odd and creepy. Well, if you took that from the previews you got it right.
Without giving too much away, Pegg plays Gary, a childhood friend of a gang of guys, one of which is Andy (Frost), who get together after being childhood BFF’s and find out how very different they have become since becoming adults and growing apart. Their goal is to finish a pub crawl at “The World’s End” — the final pub of a “one pint a bar” visit in a total of 12 in the crawl. And where they are all standing tall in an effort to redeem themselves after their first attempt as youngsters ended like most bar/pub crawls do — with lots of alcoholic happiness and lots of vomit. Personally, I think twelve pints in one night is for amateurs but to be fair, there were a few shots imbibed — albeit begrudgingly. Anyway, don’t watch this film without at least a beer in your hand because you are sure to want one at about 10 seconds in.
Now on to the creepy factor, during our friends drunken foray, bad and odd things start to happen. To be honest, it’s sort of a “Stepford Wives” only with blue blood and drunks kicking their ass kind of thing. But really there is more to this film than that: it’s a buddy film at its core. The point of this film tell us that yes, you are my friend and I love you, and you are a total shithead, but when the End of the World comes about, I want your shit ass beside me to face it. Now that’s what I call friendship.
The Conjuring – 2013
Let’s face it: going to the movie theater is no easy feat these days. For one, ticket and concession prices are re-joke-ulous, second the previews last forever (I used to love previews but a half hour of previews??? Really???) and third, there is always the possibility of people talking on their phone or just being asshats in general. That being said, I made the trek to see The Conjuring mainly based on a preview I had seen a few weeks back (I immediately knew it had to be seen) and the hype surrounding the film. It didn’t hurt that James Wan directed it either.
So let’s get to it, shall we? I enjoyed this film for many reasons. First, the setting in the 70’s took me back to a place I remember with a great deal of nostalgia; you actually had to get up to turn off your TV (which was likely to be bigger than your couch), the wallpaper was tacky, everyone drove a station wagon and there were no cell phones glued into everybody’s hands. Ah, good times. Anyway, the film centers around two families — the family being tormented and the couple who come to investigate and hopefully help. The first part of the movie is really a slow burn, allowing the viewer time to get to know each family, which in this horror movie fan’s opinion is sorely lacking in too many horror films these days. Personally, I am sick of movies where a bunch of strangers are thrown at you and then die so fast you could really care less. Call me heartless. Whatever. The second half of the film, however takes off like a roller coaster. I feel a little bad that on one of the first real scares I yelled out “Holy Shit!” After that, I said it a couple more times, just a little quieter.
Here’s the thing: The Conjuring was a really good, scary movie that if you are a horror movie fan (and even if not) you should go see. Was it scarier than the Exorcist? Hell’s no. But that wasn’t what the director set out to do anyway. He set out to make a truly scary film (which he did) that could be rated PG-13 (which he did not — thanks to the MPAA). The acting was great from the entire cast and there are lots of faces you will recognize — in a good way. If you go into this movie without any preconceived notions you will have a blast and be surprised by some of the twists and turns thrown at you. But if you read a gazillion reviews that make this movie into something it’s not, then there is a good chance you will be disappointed and share that disappointment with others. That would be doing a disservice not only to yourself, but to a really good movie that doesn’t deserve it as well.
Note: The concept that this film was “based on a true story” really is not relevant to the enjoyment factor of the film as it works without it. I dunno, I think I’m just jaded to that kind of hype after so many big time fakers (The Blair Witch Project — I’m looking at YOU). Also, for the reviews I have read that bash the God versus the Devil concept of the film, maybe you should refrain from writing reviews about DEMONS until you have looked the word “demon” up in the dictionary. In case you are too lazy (which I suspect you are), here you go: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/demon
Just sayin’. 🙂