Okay, so I too saw the adverts for “Veronica” the movie dubbed recently as maybe the “Scariest Movie Ever” by some writer.  Not sure which website I read that indicated that (it was early on Saturday morning and frankly, I read a lot of stuff each morning) but it was enough to get me interested.  Yes, it’s in Spanish with sub-titles, but that’s not a deterrent for me – in fact sometimes it’s an enticement and this was no different (although the advertisement photo left a lot to be desired).

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See what I mean?  Not very interesting.  But hey, they tried.

Anyway, this movie was directed and co-written by Paco Plaza, the same man who also co-wrote and co-directed “REC” along with Jaume Balaguero and Luiso Berdejo.  “REC” was a great movie only to be made into an American remake (“Quarantine“) which just sucked on toast.

After reading a few reviews I was instantly hooked at wanting to – no – needing to see this movie. Even though I knew I was being manipulated in so many ways, I did watch this movie just to see if it lived up to the hype.  So yesterday I watched “Veronica” on Netflix. This blog post is a direct response from said film viewing in an effort to save you from the same manipulation and disappointment.

Is it a decent movie?  Yeah, sort of.  If you like horror movies – been there, done that. YKWIM.

Is it a great movie?  No.  But it is watchable and enjoyable if you don’t go in expecting too much.

Is it the “Scariest Movie Ever”?  Hell’s to the no.  Not even close.  Even those of us who understand that Spanish horror films have a lot of Satan references and get why, this was not by any stretch of the imagination anything close to scary.

Unless you are afraid of a young girl who may or may have not (this is so ridiculous I can’t believe I’m actually typing it) had her period and has to clean up her bed and sheets after (maybe?  supposedly?) being attacked in her sleep by a demon.  No, I’m not kidding. The movie actually tries to make you wonder if it’s the demon or her period who caused the blood on her bed.  To quote Shrek:  Really, really.

If you think about it, which unfortunately I have, they honestly try to make you believe that a girl having her period is the same as or at least equivalent to her being afraid of her period or being attacked by a DEMON.    You just can’t make this shit up.

This may be why Rotten Tomatoes liked it so much – it probably reminded them of Ashley Judd who they just love.  I’ll just stop now as the memory flash back of Ashley at the “Women’s” march is actually scary.  Just eeww Ashley.  Not to mention TMI.  But I digress and refuse to link the clip.  The period references are enough already.  So on we go!

See the source image

 

Honestly, I’m not sure why I spent about two hours watching a movie that Rotten Tomatoes gave five stars and a 92% rating – I should have known better.  Anytime Rotten Tomatoes likes something it should be avoided at all costs as it always ends up being a movie that sucks but has lots of SJW shit to make themselves feel better (or feel just anything is my guess really).  But darn it all to heck, I was curious.

So I did watch.  Much to my shame and regret.  Here’s the breakdown (LOTS OF SPOILERS):

  1. Girls (three) play with (guess what?) a Ouija board.
  2. The glass pointer (a small glass) breaks, one of the girls screams and her mouth gets really big as in picture she just saw in her class.  (Note: she seems already weirded out just from seeing the picture in class prior to the Ouija session)
  3. The other two girls now want nothing to do with screaming girl.
  4. Screaming girl has a dead father who she thinks is coming to her naked (or something) and a mother who is working so much she has no clue what is going on with her four children (Screaming girl, two sisters and a young son).
  5. Screaming girl wakes up to a bit of blood in her bed (see above) after nightmare about her siblings eating her alive.  This narrative of her siblings eating her alive, is actually understandable.  The blood well – not so much.  Again see above.
  6. Screaming girl finds a blind nun who is no help AT ALL but whatevs, she’s blind and a nun so that should be scary!  (Not at all)
  7. Screaming girl finds mold under beds in the shape of a man/creature.
  8. Screaming girl freaks out and tries to hold another Ouija board session with little siblings (great idea Sherlock) which ends badly (again, no shit Sherlock).
  9. The stealing of effects from “Signs” was just in poor taste and obvious.
  10. I would really like ~2 hours of my life back.

The only other thing I can think of that may have resulted in the fave reviews of this boring, overdone to death of a movie is that we are supposed to figure out that all of this may have only been in her mind.

Alas!  She is the oldest daughter in a single mom household and has to take care of her younger siblings.  This of course is so rare and horrible (they had food and apparently enough money to give “Screaming Girl” braces”) it would drive any young lady to imagine that she is possessed by demons and see her naked fathers ghost.  Why her father was naked no one knows, as he is presented as loving and kind in the film. Another sick reason why those at Rotten Tomatoes probably loved this mediocre at best flick.  Ugh.

Yeah, no.  Just no.

 

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